Day 3.

& he's really gone.

闭上眼，默念三遍。

Don't see him! Don't see him! Don't see him!

Ps. I need to drink. My life will be back to how it used to be. Alone.

Craving for something, something special, which I know I can never have.

A want! not a Need!

Today is EARTH HOUR! I cant believe I am stucked at home! damn!

went for 2days 1night trip to Malacca, just reach home. Not a very exciting trip but, a family trip, cant expect much anyway. During the bus ride, many things were going through my mind.

"guess ur under alot of self conflict"

"the longer you drag, the more memories you'll have"

Like what I've said, I will now follow the flow.

Dear friends,
I am sorry. I know I am doing all the wrong things, but I just can't help it. I know all you will be there when I need you but this thing is really different. I have never face it before & i surely didnt expect this to happen to me. My mind is telling me not to do it, but My heart just won't listen! The Mind & Heart doesn't seems to belong to me anymore. But frankly speaking, I really feel loved! feels so loved by him! When there's someone who will be worried, afraid & sad for me!

How I wish things had never happened! How i wish I can get away, together with him, to somewhere where nobody know us! How I wish he doesn't have all those burdens with him! How I wish Time will stop, even just for alittle while, when I am with him!

I know I should leave him now; the more I love him, the harder it is for me to leave it. I know it's a habit; but it takes me more than determination to kick this habit away. Every now and then when I am talking to him, this thought will strike me that I am the bad person who is intruding his life. I know I am not at fault, but.. I still have my responsibility in the matter.

I need the strength! I need the determination! I need to get away from him!

but i cant resist.

really sucks!